Yesterday I was in a car accident with my mothers car. A pick up truck slammed into back of the car at full speed because he did not notice I stopped. Needless to say I am in alot of pain but I do acknowledge that it could be worse. This is my third accident in 3years. So far I have had an accident every year since 2008. I dont feel like my body can take anymore of a hit. It seems like every time I take a few steps forward, I take one giant step backwards. Worst of all my moms car is a complete gonner. It crushed like a can. Although I know she loves me, and although I know she is happy that we are all going to be okay, I also know that somewhere in her mind she asking herself "why does this keep happening to me?"
I dont care about law suits. I dont care about settlements or anything like that. I rather have my health, I rather not live my life in physical pain where my body never really gets back to where it once was. I rather hand my mother her keys and tell her where I parked her car. I rather not be the reason for the disappointment that although she may never voice to me, I see in her eyes.
As if things are not bad enough, my living conditions have just gotten worse. In simplest terms, I need to find a new place to live. Am I worried about it? Yes and No. I know that God already sees my needs, way before I ever realized I needed them, but I also know that God does not show up when you want him to, but he is always on time. So I have no idea how much longer I am going to have to suffer. All I know is that there is greatness inside of me and purpose for my life and because of that, the devil has been trying to take me out. I thank God for keeping me safe in his arms, but when situations like this occur you know who your friends are. You know whose concerned about you, you know whose laughing at you, you know who loves you no matter what, and you know who will try to keep you down when you fall. When its all said and done, I know you, but then again I cant say I didnt always know.
What have I learned from this situation? Never let your mind know where your heart is going. Because if your mind knows that your heart is bleeding, your mind will slow down and mourn. It is okay to feel emotionally hurt but never let that dictate what you will do today. I am both emotionally and physically hurt, but I crawled up on the couch today and got on this laptop because I have a goal which I intend to reach. I will not, I can not, let an already bad situation that just got worse, stop my progress.
Mommy, one day I will be able to buy you a new car. Until then, I hope I can take that hurt away, and I pray that God wipes the tears that you shed when no one else is looking. I know it has been a tough life. Sorry I made it harder. Some day I will make you proud.
"For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other believers, as you still do."
Hebrews 6:10
NLT
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