I Want What You Want

How many times have we been told to "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Treat people the way that you would like to be treated. No one is perfect so we do make mistakes. I am guilty of sometimes being quick with the tongue and saying something that may be hurtful to others, meanwhile I did not realize it would hurt them until the damage was done. For example, I am extremely sarcastic when I am upset/annoyed (yes more than I ususally am). When I get extremely upset with my boyfriend and I really lay that hurtfull sarcasm on him, sometimes he decides to be a little harsh with me :-( I crumble. Meanwhile I was so quick to drop quick insults on him, but if he says one slightly harsh thing to me I become a basket case. Now the obvious solution is, do not be sarcastic & rude with him since I dont want him to be verbally hurtful with me. However I dont always do the right thing.

Then there are the deeper moments of not treating people the way they should be. The times where we treat others the way we want them to be. We want them to be faithful so we treat them with jealousy, we want them to be nicer so we treat them mean to teach them to stay on our good side, we want them to be around more often so we treat them with guilt and pressure, we want them to see the error of their ways so we treat them with constant reminders of their flaws. We are all guilty of doing something or the other to help steer others in the direction we "think" they should be. How do you deal with someone not being at the level you want them to be in when you need them to be there?

I used to have a huge jealousy problem. Sometimes I feel haunted by it. I have people who still look at me as that crazy jealous girl that they need to steer clear of. I still hear old stories about myself, new people in my community still hear old tales about me and make their judgement based on that. Sometimes I feel like I still have to prove myself to others, and other times I want to document all the things that I could have done but didnt just to show them my growth, but in reality I have nothing to show. Why should I have to go through such extreme measures for acceptance? My life speaks for me and I want what you want, I want to be seen for who I am and not who I used to be. I want what you want, I want the benefit of a doubt. I want what you want, I want to go on with the rest of my life and not have to hear about all the mistakes I made. I want what you want, I want people to formulate opinions about me based on actually meeting me, not hearing about me before we even shake hands. If you want it, why wont you give it to me?

We cannot force people to be a certain way. Unfortunately that means we cant make them forgive us or accept us. What we can do instead of trying to change others is learn to trust God to fix people, and focus on strengthnening ourselves. I overcame jealousy by realizing that I have to trust God to lead people in the right direction, and then trust that if they ever face temptation, they will do the right thing, and ultimately I have to trust that if there is some funny business going on, God will expose things. "What is done in the dark always comes to light." Likewise, I trust God to fix people. I trust him to expose those who lie on me. I trust him to vindicate me against those who conciously attack me, my family, or my relationship. Ultimately I trust God.

I am not exempt from other peoples judgement, but I am mindful of the God I serve. Treat people the way you want. Give them what you want, wether it be trust, love, the benefit of a doubt etc. give others what you want because God will honor your request. I am a living testimomy of that.

"And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith."

Galatians 6:9-10