I had a dream about my ex-boyfriend the other night. We were hanging out like old times and sitting around talking about random unimportant things. What stood out to me the most was the way I felt. I was a teenager all over again and was blinded by puppy love. I watched myself be shy and naïve. I saw myself giggling like a school girl and overjoyed with his attention. It was so cute, but I desperately wanted to interrupt the discussion and whisper into my sixteen year old ears “he will cheat on you with one of your friends, so leave him alone but don’t let that break you.” Funny because when I woke up the next morning I could not figure out if I would have listened to my own advice.
It got me thinking…remember when love was pure. I started to think back to a time when my love had not been tarnished with disappointment, when my trust was not yet broken, and my picture of life was “perfect.” I remember planning what my first car would look like or picking out names for my children. It was nice to be that girl again even if it was only in my dreams. I woke up wondering how different life would be if I loved the way I used to.
Colassions 3:10 says to “put on the new man which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him.” (KJV) We are not who we once were and neither are our thoughts. Our mindset has changed to be more Christ like. If we have become new creatures in Christ, why are we still punishing other people for past experiences that have nothing to do with them? Sometimes I think I use my pain as an excuse not to allow myself to get close to other people. It is so much easier to think that most women are sneaky and most men are liars. However true that may be, what does that say about my selection process if the people I choose to interact with are sneak liars.
If we in fact are new, we must realize that God will reveal people. You don’t need check a call history, you don’t need to read text messages, and you don’t need any passwords to figure someone out. Put your trust in the Lord and give yourself a break. In reality when you distance yourself from an opportunity to truly have joy, you are not living and learning, you are learning not to live. Faith is believing that God will lead you to the right people, the right job, the right experiences etc. Does this mean you will never meet another jerk? No, it means that if you do, look for the signs, pay attention to the wisdom that God is placing in you and not the fear that the bruises of your heart have left on you. A few weeks ago I found myself in a complicated place where I no longer desired to be. So I said “God if you give me an exit, I promise to use it.” I got two exits, and many moments of clarity. God is still on the throne and he is still answering prayers. It is safe to love the way I used to back when love was pure.
“Preserve me, O God: for in thee do I put my trust.”
Psalm 16:1
KJV
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